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narwhal-noir:

I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”

(via lovestoryinthemaking)

laugh-addict:

Greatest thing ever

Things like this remind me how much I love poetry slams. 

I fucking love it

this is how you dad.

(Source: sizvideos, via vicious-jessie)

oraldiarrhea:

hatos:

What if birds had four legs? Need answer

image

(via vicious-jessie)

thefourteenthdoctor:

1dfangirlpreferences:

thefourteenthdoctor:

zeustreats:

jesuschristvevo:

i wish i had a little toilet and sink in the corner of my room so i wouldnt have to walk all the way to the bathroom

That’s a prison cell

In prison your food gets cooked for you as well. 

I’m beginning to think murdering people I don’t like wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

you do realize that there’s probably police officers on here, right?

oh no what are they going to do send me to prison?

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(via vicious-jessie)

tupacabra:

prettygirlfrommichigan:

tupacabra:

name one fragrance commercial that has ever made sense

wat are u talking about they all make scents

shut the fuck up

(via vicious-jessie)

breakfastburritoe:

lets-stop-the-killings-of-robins:

breakfastburritoe:

asks are rebloggable? whats next… rebloggable selfies??

selfies are rebloggable…

obviously not because then id get notes haha nice try though

(via vicious-jessie)

bad-wolf-of-baskerville:

authocracy:

kingcheddarxvii:

do you think God ever gets sad like “what do you mean you don’t love yourself i worked so hard on you….”

…why is this so uplifting

I’m not even religious and this makes me smile.

(via vicious-jessie)

lindsaylohoean:

my ex texted me today “you can delete my number i don’t care anymore”

and i replied “who is this”

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(via vicious-jessie)